After almost a year of thorough research and extensive in-field testing through Africa, here are 10 suggestions for easing your way through border posts and sweet talking your way past the traffic police stops, hopefully without having to give anyone a \u201csoda\u201d, the latest way of asking for a bribe in some parts of Africa!<\/p>\n
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1. Be happy. <\/strong><\/p>\n Officials don\u2019t often come across friendly people. They will likely be prepared to have a \u2018difficult conversation\u2019 with you. So disarm them with happiness. They won\u2019t quite know how to react!<\/p>\n As you are pulled over, wind down both driver and passenger windows. Remove shades. Smile a lot. Shake everyone\u2019s hands enthusiastically as if they are friends you haven\u2019t seen for a while. Engage in time wasting chit chat: \u201cHello, how are you today? It\u2019s hot isn\u2019t it? Has it been like this for a while?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n (This can be used with any of the suggestions below, and indeed makes them all the more effective!)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 2. Flattery<\/strong><\/p>\n Officer: \u201cDon\u2019t you have a soda for me?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n A: \u201cNo, not today, but wow, what a lovely voice you have. And you\u2019re so well spoken. Surely you should have a radio show or be on TV.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n 3. Endless jokes about Ven\u2019s name<\/strong><\/p>\n Officer: \u201cYoh, that\u2019s a long name! How do you say it?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Ven: \u201cWhy don\u2019t you have a go first?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Officer: \u201cTira\u2026 Yoh, that\u2019s too difficult. How many letters does it have?\u201d<\/em> etc. etc.<\/p>\n (NB: this suggestion does rely on having a long or difficult to pronounce name. You may wish to consider changing it by deed poll for your trip. If this is not possible, please see 4)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n 4. Football talk (usually works better with male officers)<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cWhat football team do you support?\u2026.. Ah yes, they\u2019re a good team. How are they doing?\u2026..Which player is doing well this season?\u2026..\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n 5. Overwhelm with paperwork<\/strong><\/p>\n Keep the documents from various border posts and receipts from campsites and pile them into your car docs folder. It\u00a0 will hopefully make officers less convinced that they could bribe you on a paperwork irregularity.<\/p>\n Officer: \u201cWhere\u2019s your driver\u2019s licence?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Pull out the huge folder with lots of documents.<\/p>\n Ven: \u201cJust one moment. Yes, here it is.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Officer: \u201cWhere\u2019s the licence disc on the windscreen?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Ven: \u201cHere\u2019s the car\u2019s international licence documents. Because it\u2019s a foreign registered car it has its own international documents. We had it stamped at the border when we entered your country. Look here\u2019s the stamp. We also have the road tax and fuel levy receipts\u2026\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Officer: \u201cWhere\u2019s your fire extinguisher certificate?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Ven: \u201cPatience Thembile at the border crossing said that it was no longer needed for foreign vehicles.\u201d<\/em> (Pull out random piece of paper). \u201cLook, here\u2019s her number, and she said you must call her if there are any questions. She was a very nice lady.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n 6. Ask for directions\u2026 and keep asking!<\/strong><\/p>\n Officer: \u201cWhere are you going?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Pick a random destination that\u2019s a little off the main road. \u201cWe\u2019re going to \u2026. How far is it and where do we turn?” <\/em><\/p>\n And then double and triple check. \u201cOk, so straight and then after 40km turn right\u2026. oh sorry turn left\u2026. And is it a nice place?\u2026. So just to be sure, we turn left and go straight for 80km\u2026.. ah yes, sorry, go straight for 40km and then turn left\u2026..\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n 7. Take a broader perspective when responding to questions.<\/strong><\/p>\n The responses will be true, yet bizarre enough to divert the \u2018soda conversation\u2019.<\/p>\n Officer in North or East African country: \u201cWhere are you going?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n (Anticipated response: a nearby town)<\/p>\n Actual response: \u201cSouth Africa\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Officer: \u201cYoh, that\u2019s a long way!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Continued response: \u201cWe\u2019re on a long trip, driving to South Africa. We\u2019ve been on the road for 3 months\u2026..\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Officer: \u201cWhere are you coming from?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n (Anticipated response: a nearby town)<\/p>\n Actual response: \u201cWe\u2019re coming from the UK. That\u2019s where we\u2019re from, but our families come from Outer Mongolia\u2026.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n 8. Enthusiasm for the country<\/strong><\/p>\n Ven used this to talk his way out of a genuine speeding fine.<\/p>\n Just as the officer is working his way up to asking for a little something\u2026. \u201cWe love your country. Everyone is so kind, and hard working and honest. There\u2019s lots of anti-corruption posters everywhere. We have such lovely memories of your country. It would be a shame if we remembered this as one of our last memories here\u2026.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n 9. Do your laundry the day before a border crossing<\/strong><\/p>\n Customs officer: \u201cAnything to declare? Drugs?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n A: \u201cNo.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Customs officer: \u201cFirearms?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n A: \u201cNo.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Customs officer: \u201cAny meat or dairy products?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n A: \u201cNo.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Customs officer: \u201cI still need to search your vehicle.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n A: \u201cNo problem. Go ahead. Sorry about the mess. We did our laundry yesterday and our underwear is still drying in the cargo net behind us!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n When he finds a stash of foreign currency notes in your wallet and asks how much they are worth:<\/p>\n A: \u201cOooh, about \u00a350, but I need that to buy more underwear and clothes when we get to the capital as everything\u2019s got holes and rips in them. Look\u2026.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n 10. Appear to have all the time in the world<\/strong><\/p>\n Appearing in a rush to get somewhere means an officer will delay you as much as they can. They know you\u2019re more likely to \u2018give them a soda\u2019 to get on your way.<\/p>\n However, if an officer believes that you are wasting their time more than they are wasting yours, and that easier \u2018business opportunities\u2019 are passing by, they will give up.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Good luck with your journey. Be wise, act clueless, and have fun!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" After almost a year of thorough research and extensive in-field testing through Africa, here are 10 suggestions for easing your way through border posts and sweet talking your way past the traffic police stops, hopefully without having to give anyone … Continue reading